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INAPPROPRIATE WAND JOKES STOP - HARRY POTTER TELEGRAMS STOP [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Cracktastic Harry Potter Telegrams

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INAPPROPRIATE WAND JOKES STOP [Aug. 18th, 2005|03:37 am]
Cracktastic Harry Potter Telegrams

hp_telegrams

[_typingmonkey_]
[Mood |sleepysleepy]

This edition unsurprisingly brought to you by amberthefool, _typingmonkey_, and crack.



Krum to Hermione:
DEAR HERM-OWN-NINNY STOP I DO NOT UNDERSTAND VHY I AM SENDING YOU A TELEGRAM VEN OVL POST IS QVICKER STOP VHY DID YOU START YOUR LAST LETTER TO ME AS RON STOP I THINK MAYBE YOU HAFF BEEN LIKING HIM STOP OHFUCKIT STOP WHY DOES JK ROWLING THINK EVERYONE IN BULGARIA TVLKS LVKE TVHIS VITH SVO MVANY VS STOP ANYWAY STOP I HOPE YOU ARE NOT THINKING OF LEAVING ME FOR RON IF YOU ARE STOP THEN STOP REMEMBER THE AMAZING SEX STOP AND THAT I PROBABLY HAVE A BIGGER WAND THAN HIM STOP

Hermione to Krum:
DEAR VIKTOR STOP RON HAS A FOURTEEN INCH WAND AND IT IS VERY THICK AND POLISHED STOP MORE SO THAN YOURS STOP WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING STOP I NEVER TOLD YOU TO WRITE ME A TELEGRAM STOP WHO COULD HAVE BEEN INTERFERING WITH MY MAI- I'LL GET THAT RONALD WEASLEY STOP YOUR WAND IS NICER THAN HIS ANYDAY STOP ALTHOUGH NOT AS BIG STOP

Ron to Hermione:
DEAR HERMIONE STOP COULD NOT HELP OVERREADING YOUR LAST TELEGRAM STOP SUBSEQUENTLY MUST CLARIFY ON POINT ABOUT WANDS STOP YOU SAY MINE IS BIGGER AND THICKER EH STOP WOULD YOU MIND SIGNING A NOTE TO THAT EFFECT STOP

Harry to Ron:

WTF ARE YOU DOING LETTING HERMIONE PLAY WITH YOUR WAND STOP I HOPE YOU REALISE THAT I DID NOT BRING CONDOMS ON OUR QUEST STOP ME AND GINNY USED ALL OF THEM AT THE BURROW OVER THE SUMMER ANYWAY STOP OOPS DID NOT MEAN TO WRITE THAT LAST BIT STOP JUST IGNORE IT OKAY STOP YEAH STOP PLEASE DON'T KILL ME RON STOP

Ron to Hermione:
HERMIONE STOP WHAT ARE CONDEMS AND WHY WOULD HARRY BE USING THEM WITH GINNY AND WHY DOES HE THINK I'LL KILL HIM FOR IT STOP

Hermione to Ron:
STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP WHY DON'T YOU WAIT UNTIL WE TAKE THAT TRIP TO AMERICA WHILE HARRY IS STILL HERE STOP ISN'T THAT A GOOD IDEA STOP LOVE HERMIONE STOP

Ron to Hermione:
TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE HIDING NOW STOP OR THERE'LL BE NO PLAYING WITH MY WAND FOR THE NEXT MONTH STOP

Hermione to Ron:
HAHA STOP AS IF YOU COULD KEEP YOUR WAND AWAY FROM ME FOR A MONTH STOP YOU DESERVE TO KNOW FOR TRYING TO PULL THAT ONE STOP I'VE SENT YOU THE PAMPHLET EXPLAINING IT ALL THROUGH OWL POST STOP JUST GOING TO HIDE HARRY IN A NUCLEAR BUNKER NOW STOP BYEE STOP

Ron: *reads pamphlet*

Ron to Harry:
YOU ******* ********* SICK ******** ****AND I HOPE YOU ********* ***** STOP AND YOU CAN ******** WELL STOP ****** MY ***** ***** SISTER YOU ********* ***** BY THE TIME I'M THROUGH WITH YOU ************** *********** GOING TO PLAY GOBSTONES IN HER ROOM MY ******** STOP SEE YOU IN ***** **** AND MAKE YOU ****** SORRY STOP

Ron to Ginny:
SO GIN STOP WHAT WERE YOU AND HARRY REALLY DOING ON THE NIGHT OF BILL AND FLEUR'S WEDDING STOP THE GOBSTONES SET WAS NEVER IN YOUR ROOM STOP HA STOP TELL ME THE TRUTH NOW STOP

Ginny to Ron:
I WAS PLAYING WITH HIS WAND STOP GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT STOP YOU DIDN’T SEEM TO WHEN HERMIONE WAS PLAYING WITH YOURS STOP LOVE AND THREATS OF BLACKMAIL STOP GINNY STOP





Hermione to Ron:
URGENT MESSAGE FOR RONALD WEASLEY STOP KINDLY STOP EATING LAVENDER'S FACE STOP IF YOU DO NOT STOP I WILL NOT BE TAKING ANY BLAME FOR FURTHER CANARY ATTACKS STOP NO LOVE STOP HERMIONE

Ron to Hermione:
DEAR HERMIONE STOP DUNNO WHAT YOU MEAN STOP WHY WOULD I EAT HER FACE STOP WHAT WOULD I SNOG THEN STOP LOVE WON-WON STOP I MEAN RON STOP





Voldemort to Dumbledore:
HAHAHAHAHAHA STOP AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA STOP MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA STOP WILL CORRESPOND FURTHER WHEN HAVE IMPROVED ON EVIL LAUGH STOP

Snape to Dumbledore:
HA STOP THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT TAKING ME SERIOUSLY WHEN I SIGNED ALL MY EMAILS AND MSN CONVERSATIONS WITH KTHXDIE STOP AND FOR STOPPING THE ORDER ORGIES ONCE I JOINED STOP

RAB to VOLDYPANTS:
TOOK YOUR SHINY STOP HA HA STOP TAKE THAT BITCH STOP





Tonks to fandom:
DEAR FANDOM STOP STOP WITH THE INSANITY PLEASE STOP JUST STOP OKAY STOP IF YOU DONT STOP I WILL EAT MY REMUS' FACE IN FRONT OF YOU STOP FOR FIVE MINUTES STRAIGHT STOP WITH SOUND EFFECTS LIKE THOSE OF A PLUNGER IN A SINK STOP

Remus to annoying R/S shippers:
SIRIUS IS DEAD STOP LET ME MOVE ON STOP TONKS MAY BE ANNOYING BUT SHE CAN MAKE HERSELF LOOK LIKE HIM STOP I MEAN I LOVE HER STOP YEAH STOP





Draco to Harry:
BROOM CLOSET AFTER THE MATCH AT FIVE STOP BE THERE STOP

OH MY FACE STOP MY BEAUTIFUL FACE STOP I'LL HAVE YOU POTTER STOP IN A TOTALLY NON-SEXUAL WAY STOP AND MAYBE A SEXUAL WAY TOO STOP

Harry to Draco:
STOP BEING SUCH A GIRL STOP JUST BECAUSE I DUMPED YOU FOR GINNY DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAD TO GO CRY OVER IT TO MYRTLE STOP YOU CAN'T HAVE REBOUND SEX WITH GHOSTS ANYWAY STOP FANCY A SHAG AFTER DINNER IN THE ROOM OF REQUIREMENT STOP PURELY PLATONIC AND HETEROSEXUAL GAY SHAGGING OF COURSE STOP





McGonagall to Luna:
IDIOT RAVENCLAW GIRL STOP STOP RUINING MY QUIDDITCH MATCH STOP STFU NOOB STOP

Luna to McGonagall:
ACTUALLY I REFUSE TO USE TELEGRAMS STOP THEY ARE SECRETLY CONTROLLED BY THE MINISTRY AND ARE COMPILED TO BE USED TO QUASH GOBLIN CONSPIRACIES AND TO SUCCESSFULLY DETECT ANTI-VAMPIRE FEELING IN THE WIZARDING COMMUNITY STOP

amberthefool, _typingmonkey_, Rufus Scrimgeour and Cornelius Fudge: *nervous laughter* Eheh…ehehehe…heh.
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Comments:
From: amberthefool
2005-08-20 03:20 pm (UTC)
Ta muchly :D
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